未婚妻和大学追过她的男生去看《那些年，我们一起追过的女孩》，这是怎么回事？ 第1页

我是来吐槽两位高票的“爱她就要给她自由”的无敌回答的。似乎知乎上只要男人介意女人的一些行为，就可以搬出这句话。就不明白为什么知乎上，男人吃醋就有回答说“爱她就要信任她”；而女人吃男人醋又是另一种说辞？（参见“闺蜜让男友去火车站接她搬行李”的回答。链接找不到了，但是大部分回答是“不让他去”）

：请定义一下什么叫做一点点的独占欲，什么叫做很强的独占欲。难道介意未婚妻跟以前追过她的男生单独去看电影，并且听了解释以后表示还不能接受，就算很强的独占欲？也就是听了解释以后就必须接受必须释然必须深情地说：嗯我相信你，才是风度？

我的观点是，自由是有限度的，想要自由那请单身。而且恋爱和婚姻并不是没有自由，只是自由的前提是照顾对方的感受。有些人觉得无所谓的东西，在另一些人看来可能是 deal breaker；确实有些人不介意伴侣偶尔出轨，但有些人就是一次都受不了，难道后者就是“很强的占有欲”？人各有异罢了，介意一些事情不丢人。既然都发展到未婚夫妻的地步了，难道双方都不清楚对方介意什么不介意什么？与其他异性交往的规则还没商定好？那题主你自己也有问题。

故人相见，约去吃饭叙旧是可以的，约去看电影是个什么意思？在封闭黑暗空间里近距离怀旧？而且还不告诉自己的伴侣？哪怕是约去吃饭，事前先说一声，问一下对方的感受总归是可以的吧？我信任你，你也要照顾我的感受。有什么怀旧是非要一起去看电影的呢？吃个饭不是怀旧吗？

我觉得，事前打个电话问一下伴侣的感受，征求许可，是基本的素质。吃饭什么的可以接受，看电影的就算了。

另外我主张权利平等，所以建议题主你也去找几个以前追求过的女生去吃饭看电影吧。如果“爱她就要信任她”这么 CD 的话可以做理由的话，那么至少她应该不介意你对等的做法，对吧？

粘贴两条 Quora 的问答，看看与知乎的差距：

另外，go for drinks 可不是指去咖啡厅喝咖啡，所以我觉得一点也不 appropriate。

贴几个觉得靠谱的：

Depends.

Factors:

1. Does it make you or your spouse uncomfortable?
2. Can you have a civil conversation with someone of the opposite sex without wanting to get in their pants?
3. Do you communicate openly with your spouse?

以及一个比较有指导性的：

There are some things you can do to make an after work drink with the opposite sex less hazardous.
1. Call up your spouse and tell them where you will be and with whom and when you will be home, and stick to it. This is not 'asking permission', it is simply keeping yourself accountable.
2. Invite a third person to join you. Even if they refuse, it sets the tone for the after work drink time. Makes it seem less personal.
3. Don't do it frequently with the same person. Once a month is plenty.
4. Go to very public and reputable places.
5. Go in separate cars.
6. Don't stay above half an hour.
7. Don't have more than one drink. (You are driving after all.)
8. Don't pay for her/his drink and don't let him/her pay for yours.
9. Don't go with a lady who is dressed 'provocitavely' or a man who changes his 'business look' after work.
10. If you run into someone you know, introduce the person you are with as a co-worker and make a strong point of asking that person to join your table.