「初到美国生活十大禁忌」是否正确？

(Thank you @向若珲 for this amazing translation! You rock!)

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哈哈，读那篇文章时我脑中产生了无数个「什么？」和「啊？」，让我们来逐一看看作者提出的观点。

1、切莫搭便车

我在美国开车的所有日子里，只见过一个搭便车的人，搭便车这种行为并不普遍，主要是因为它通常不凑效。老实说，搭便车者对司机的危险程度更高于司机对搭便车者的。如果我看见衣着得体的人在路边明显需要帮助，我会停下来问有什么我能帮上忙。但是我不会下车，或让他们上我的车。一般情况下他们都只是需要打个电话，然后警察、拖车公司或他们认识的人就会来帮忙了。

所以，是的，不用去担心搭便车这事儿了，因为很可能不会成功。当然，也没人会去引诱你上便车。

2、夜间不要乘地铁

好吧，这不是真的。在 1990 年代前，纽约在治安上有着非常坏的名声，但是在市长 Giuliani（注：魯迪·朱利安尼，1994-2001 任纽约市市长）以减少犯罪为主的经营过后，曼哈顿相比起其它大城市地区已经不再危险了。纽约的地铁在晚上依然是灯火通明且繁忙的，当有很多人在你周围时，你可能会被扒钱包，但不会遭到暴力抢劫。

一个人从地铁站（或学校、商店、朋友家）走路回家才是你需要小心的，特别是当街道的路灯坏掉时。大部分美国人不用担心这点，因为我们去任何地方都开车。但当在校园内或是大城市里无法开车时，你需要谨慎的避免在黑暗中行走。

3、不要称呼黑人为「Negro」

是的，不要这样做。另外，也不要使用其它的 N 字头词语（注：特指对非裔美国人的侮辱性词语），这是过去非裔美国人被赋予的称谓，你不会想要唤起这段历史的。

另外，也不要称他们为「Black」。用他（她）的名字来称呼。用他（她）的名字来称呼。用他（她）的名字来称呼。

一般也要避免提及别人的人种。当你能说「那个人」时就不要说「那个黑人」。如果你必须提到他们的种族，那就说 【某某】美国人，比如，非裔美国人、亚裔美国人，或者更确切的，尼日利亚裔美国人、韩裔美国人。

4、不能随便说「I am sorry」

我觉得这里对美国的风俗有一点误解。就像美国人不用「Hello」来欢迎彼此一样（我们说「Hi」或「Hey」），我们也不会说「I am sorry」这句完整句。至少，我们会使用缩写「I’m sorry」，但是，让我们先说说「sorry」能表示什么吧。

「I’m sorry」

• 我做错了事并且想要道歉（"I'm sorry I ripped your shirt. Let me at least buy you a new one.")「对不起，我扯烂了你的衬衫，至少让我给你买件新的吧。」）
  
• 你告诉了我一些伤心事，我同情你（"I'm sorry to hear that your dog passed away."「我很遗憾听到你家狗狗死了。」）
  

「Sorry」

• 我做了某事然后想要道歉，但这个更随意一些（"Sorry, I shouldn't have called you a @#$% yesterday.”「抱歉，我昨天不应该说你是个 XXX。」）
  
• 我无意做了某事，比如没看见撞上了别人，或踩到了别人脚趾（"Sorry, I must've called the wrong number. Have a nice day.”「抱歉，我一定是打错了号码，祝你愉快。」）
  
• 我没听清你说什么（"Sorry, could you repeat that?”「抱歉，你能重复一次吗？」）
  

「Excuse me」

• 我想引起一个陌生人的注意（"Excuse me, do you know where the subway station is?”「不好意思，你知道地铁站在哪吗？」）
  
• 我打喷嚏了（"Aaaaachooooo! Excuse me.”「阿嚏~~！不好意思。」）
  
• 我无意做了某事，比如，比如…（*bumps into a stranger on the street* "Ah, excuse me.” *在街上撞到了别人*「啊，不好意思。」）
  

有太多的例子说明「sorry」在不同场景下表示的除道歉以外的意思了，但是即使在道歉的场景下，说「sorry」也没有什么不行的。别人会回应你「Don’t worry（不用在意）」或「There's no need to be sorry.（不用感到抱歉）」，若他们这样说，不表示是在批评你，他们通常只是没觉得你做错了什么。

避免误解的最好办法——特别是当某些文化现象你不理解时——就是去说明你的意图以及理由。不要指望别能发现你在想什么。清晰和直接的交流在美国是一种美德。

5、谦虚并非美德

好吧，美国人很自信。但是那不表示谦虚不受欣赏，它只是以另一种方式来表达而已。

- 傲慢 -

陌生人：哇，你网球打得太棒了！

我：是啊，我知道！

- 自信 -

陌生人：哇，你网球打得太棒了！

我：谢谢！

- 谦虚 -

陌生人：哇，你网球打得太棒了！

我：谢谢，我就玩玩而已。

- 中国式谦虚 -

陌生人：哇，你网球打得太棒了！

我：不不，我一点儿也不会。

陌生人：不不，你真的很棒！

我：不，不可能。

陌生人：呃，好吧……

中国人表达谦虚的方式比较接近美国人认为的妄自菲薄。美国人相信自信和快乐是紧密联系在一起的。如果你的表现显得过分轻视自己，别人不会认为你是在骗他们，反而会觉得你很沮丧从而尝试帮助你。

另一种美国人表达谦虚的方式是把结语转成一个玩笑，这样能转移对话的方向，让每个人都笑起来。

- 风趣 -

陌生人：哇，你网球打得太棒了！

我：我就是这样泡妞的！

6、同陌生人打招呼

这是一种向陌生人打招呼的习惯，一般会怎样呢？

陌生人A：【微笑】嗨，近来如何？

陌生人B：【微笑】很好，你呢？

陌生人A：【依然微笑】挺好，谢谢。

然后这两个人各自继续走。

你也许奇怪，为什么这两个陌生人要进行这么一场毫无意义的交谈？其实，这并不是一场交谈。虽然他们问候了对方「How are you」，但彼此都没有期待一个真正的回答。这只是美国人向陌生人致意的方式。在家里练习一下吧，你会习惯的。

7、交谈时的话题

这并不是美国独有的文化吧？为交谈寻找共同话题难道不是交际的正常模式吗？

事实上，美国人很可能会谈论一些个人热衷的事情，这就回到了上面说的为何自信在美国是一种良好的品质，对于表达的人和接收的人皆如此。如果你说的东西是你所热衷的，那么你会显得更加自信。

8、别忘了问候孩子

这也不是美国文化独有的，对吧？我没见过中国的大人们会无视一个向他们说话的小孩（除非是小孩的父母…）。

通常，如果一个十几岁的孩子表现得像个成年人，那么成年人们也会如同大人一样对待他（她）。若一个人已十八岁或以上，他（她）就是个成年人，也应该被如同大人一样对待。成年人们在交谈中应该平等，即使某个人比其他人都要年轻。

9、同性不能一起跳舞

这个观点有点极端。在一般情况下是没错的，男人不会和男人跳舞，女人也不会和女人跳舞，但那是因为他们想和异性跳舞，而不是有个严格的禁忌告诉你不行。举个例子，如果你在上一堂交际舞的课，女人人数超过了男人，那么就有女人需要和女人一起练习。事实上，一般女人和女人跳舞是可以接受的；另一方面，男人则可能引起一些侧目，但那也取决于你们如何跳舞。虽然如此，随着美国社会的进步，同性恋群体日渐被接受，在不远的将来，两个男人跳舞可能就不会再吸引旁人侧目了。

10、莫在别人面前拖鞋

神马？啊？如果你在大学、公园或者海滩，周围全是赤脚走路的人。

美国人没有在家里脱鞋的习惯，但这并不意味着你不能脱。在进入房子前问一声是否需要脱鞋，依然是礼貌的表现。

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我看完这篇文章后的反应是「在给国际生的建议中有太多重要的点值得说了，然而这作者居然选了这十点？搭便车？同性跳舞？鞋子？o_O 」，我本来打算无视这篇文章的，但我注意到很多人关注着这个问题，所以我觉得我应该纠正其中一些误传。

如果我误解了文章中的什么内容，请在评论中告诉我。另外，我也想听听其它人的反应 =D

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Haha reading that article made me think, "What?" and "Huh?" over and over again. Let's go through each point the author makes.

1. 切莫搭便车

In all the years that I've driven around the country, I've only seen one hitchhiker, ever. Hitchhiking isn't common, mostly because it doesn't usually work. Truthfully, the hitchhiker is more likely to be a danger to the driver than the driver to the hitchhiker. If I saw a well-dressed person on the side of the road who obviously needed help, I would stop and ask if there's anything I could do to help them. But I wouldn't get out of my car or let them into my car. Usually they just need to make a call so that the police or a towing company or somebody they know will come help them.

So yeah, don't bother hitchhiking, it probably won't work. But nobody's going to be tempting you to hitchhike anyways.

2. 夜间不要乘地铁

Ok, this is not true. Before the 1990's, New York City had a really bad reputation for crime. But after

's operation to reduce crime, Manhattan is not any more dangerous than other major metropolitan areas. The subways in NYC are actually well lit and busy at night. When there are so many people around, you might get pick-pocketed, but you won't get violently mugged.

Walking home alone from the subway station (or class or a store or your friend's house) is when you should be careful, especially if there's bad street lighting. Most Americans don't have to worry about this because we drive everywhere. But on campus or in a big city where driving is impractical, then it's prudent to avoid walking around in the dark.

3. 不要称呼黑人为“Negro”

Yes, don't do this. Also, don't use the other N-word. This is how African Americans were referred to in the past. You don't want to stir up that history.

But don't call them 'Black' either. Call somebody by his or her name. Call somebody by his or her name. Call somebody by his or her name.

Just avoid mentioning people's races in general. Don't say "That black guy," when you can just say "That guy." If you must talk about their ethnicity, then say [something]-American. For example, African American, Asian American, or even more specifically, Nigerian American, Korean American.

4. 不能随便说“I am sorry”

I feel like there's a bit of a misunderstanding in American customs here. Just like how Americans don't greet each other with "Hello" (we say "Hi" or "Hey"), we also wouldn't say the full sentence, "I am sorry." At the very least, we use the contraction, "I'm sorry." But let's talk about what 'sorry' could mean,

"I'm sorry"

• I did something wrong and I'd like to apologize ("I'm sorry I ripped your shirt. Let me at least buy you a new one.")
• You told me some sad news and I'm sympathizing with you ("I'm sorry to hear that your dog passed away.")

"Sorry"

• I did something and I'd like to apologize, but it's more casual ("Sorry, I shouldn't have called you a @#$% yesterday.")
• I did something accidentally, like bumping into somebody without looking or stepping on somebody's toes ("Sorry, I must've called the wrong number. Have a nice day.")
• I didn't hear what you said ("Sorry, could you repeat that?")

"Excuse me"

• I want to get a stranger's attention ("Excuse me, do you know where the subway station is?") ("Excuse me, you dropped this.")
• I sneezed ("Aaaaachooooo! Excuse me.")
• I did something accidentally, etc, etc... (*bumps into a stranger on the street* "Ah, excuse me.")

"Oops"

• I did something accidentally, etc, etc... ("Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you.") ("Oops, I dropped this.")

There's a lot of cases where 'sorry' means something other than apologizing. But even in those situations, it's not bad to say 'sorry'. People will just respond with "Don't worry," or "There's no need to be sorry." But if they say that, it doesn't mean that they're criticizing you; they generally don't think you're at fault.

The best way to avoid any misunderstandings, especially when there's a cultural phenomenon you don't understand, is to explain your intent and your reasoning. Don't expect the other person to figure out what you're thinking. Clear and direct communication is a virtue in America.

5. 谦虚并非美德

Alright, Americans are confident. But that doesn't mean that modesty is unappreciated, it's just expressed in a different way.

- Arrogant -

Stranger: Wow, you're amazing at tennis!

Me: Yeah, I know!

- Confidant -

Stranger: Wow, you're amazing at tennis!

Me: Thanks!

- Modest -

Stranger: Wow, you're amazing at tennis!

Me: Thanks, I'm just trying to have fun.

- Chinese Modest -

Stranger: Wow, you're amazing at tennis!

Me: No, no! I'm not good at all.

Stranger: No, no - you really are!

Me: No, no way.

Stranger: Uh, okay...

The way that Chinese people might express modesty borders on what Americans consider self-deprecation. Americans believe that confidence and happiness are closely linked. If you act in a self-deprecating way, people won't think that you're lying to them, but they might assume that you're depressed and try to help you.

Another way Americans express modesty is to turn the complement into a joke. This deflects the complement and gets everyone to laugh.

- Funny -

Stranger: Wow, you're amazing at tennis!

Me: It's how I woo the ladies!

6. 同陌生人打招呼

It's a custom to say hi to strangers. How does this usually go?

Stranger A: *smiles* Hi, How're you doing?

Stranger B: *smiles* Great, how are you?

Stranger A: *still smiling* Fine, thank you.

And then both people keep walking.

You might wonder, why would two strangers have such a meaningless conversation? Well, it's not a conversation. Even though each one asked the other "How are you" neither one expects a real answer. This is just how Americans greet strangers. Just practice this at home and you'll get used to it.

7. 交谈时的话题

This isn't something unique to American culture is it? Isn't finding common topics of conversation the normal mode of socializing?

In fact, Americans are more likely to talk about something that they're uniquely passionate about. This goes back to how confidence is a great quality in America, for the people who project it and the people who perceive it. If you're talking about something that you're passionate about, then you appear more confident.

8. 别忘了问候孩子

Also not something unique to American culture, right? I don't see adults in China ignoring a child that's talking to them (except maybe the kid's parents).

Generally, if a teenager acts like an adult, then adults will treat him or her like one. If the person is 18 or older, he or she is an adult, and should be treated as one. Adults should be treated equally in conversation, even if someone is much younger than the rest of the group.

9. 同性不能一起跳舞

This point is a bit extreme. It's true that usually, men don't dance with men and women don't dance with women, but that's because they want to dance with somebody of the other gender, not because there's an ironclad taboo that says you can't. For example, if you take ballroom dancing lessons and the women in the class outnumber the men, then women will practice with women. In fact, it's generally acceptable for women to dance together; men, on the other hand, might cause some raised eyebrows, but that depends on how you're dancing. Although, with the progress that American society is making in accepting the LGBT community, two men dancing together might not raise any eyebrows in the near future.

10. 莫在别人面前脱鞋

What? Huh? If you're in college or at a park or at the beach, people walk around barefoot all the time.

Americans have a habit of not taking off shoes in the house. But it doesn't mean that you can't. It's still polite to ask if you should take off your shoes before entering a house.

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My reaction after reading the article was, "There are so many important points of advice to give international students, and the author picked these ten? Hitchhiking? Same-sex dancing? Shoes? o_O" I was originally going to ignore the article, but I noticed that a lot of people are watching this question, so I felt like I should address some of the misrepresentation.

Let me know in the comments if I misunderstood anything in the article. Also, I'd like to hear other people's reactions =D

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Several people have asked for my advice to international students, so here it is

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As always, if you have the courage and patience to translate this into Chinese, then go for it! =P